My Giant Freak Head

I've been told by many that my life sounds like a sitcom. I can't argue with that.

On occasion, after watching Seinfeld, I've had friends contact me asking if I had anything to do with a particular episode ... because it sounded exactly like something that had happened to me.

One such episode was when Elaine had a bird fly into her giant freak head. Anyone remember that?

Well, in my "loving" family, it's a well known fact that I have a large head. No, I don't mean I'm full of myself ... well maybe I am but that's not what I'm talking about here. I mean, it's well know that my head is physically large.

Most people don't notice it at first, because I'm chubby. And a large head on a chubby body doesn't stand out, like say ... a big head on a petite body. So, part of my reason for not dieting is to mask the fact that I'm kind of bobble-head looking. I mean, why would I want to lose weight and look like that? (On a side note here, I'd love to have a bobble head doll of me. Damn, that would be cool.)

This realization that I had a giant freak head came when I was about 1 or 2 years old and I got my head stuck between the bars of the crib. You'd think that would mean that my head was small, since it slipped quite nicely between the bars. But nooooo. Because my mother couldn't push my head back through the bars, no matter how hard she tried, it meant that my head was too big. I know what you're thinking ... that's not logical. Well, a panicked mother seeing her infant's head stuck between the bars of a crib doesn't have much logic. As the years went by, and the story grew ... so did my head.

When I was a teen I needed a winter hat, or as we call them here in Canada, a touque. Mom couldn't find one to fit me. Which delighted her. I mean, what's funnier than a kid with a head too big to fit in a hat? My aunt said she'd knit one for me. After about 3 tries, she finally managed to make one large enough. Sometimes my dad would put it on as he was heading out to shovel the driveway and as it fell down around his ears he'd say something funny ... like, "Hey, this isn't my hat." Laugh riot. Actually it was quite funny, but ultimately I became a non-hat person.

The next time my giant freak head became an issue was when Sis and I were on vacation. We went into one of those photo booths where you get your picture taken and then you can have it printed out on a Wanted Poster (we were in Tennessee, I think). Anyway, we took a bunch of pictures but kept hitting the re-take button because I'd have my eyes closed, or she would ... at one point my sister looks at the photos and quite innocently asks, "Why does my head look so small?" My answer, "Ummm...maybe because your pretty little head is beside my giant freak head. Could that be it?"

I've actually never taken offence to these kinds of things, actually I think it's quite funny. Besides, I'm rather proud of my bulbous noggin. On occasion its circumference has been the topic of conversation at family gatherings. We even broke out the measuring tape one time and wrapped it around everyone's head. (Wouldn't you like to be adopted by us?) Of course my head always wins the big number. We had such a gathering today at my sister's place. We were celebrating 3 birthdays ... mine, my niece's & her husband's. We all had birthdays this week. Anyway, I was telling them about this post, and since we couldn't remember what my head measurement was ... we just had to check.

Sure, some families gather to watch movies, play board games. Not us. Nope. Anyway, Sis, my niece & nephew measured in at 22.5 inches. I was 23.5, okay, not bad, only 1 inch more. My nephew thinks it's my hair, but hell, I don't think I have an inch worth of hair sticking out ... besides it's really flat today.

I went to AskYahoo and learned that the average head circumference for an adult woman is 21 to 23.5 inches. So, according to Yahoo I'm on the high side of normal. Phew.

That doesn't really explain why a bird flew into my head though. Oh yeah, that was the purpose of this post, was to tell you how my life resembled a sitcom, more specifically the Seinfeld episode where a bird flew into Elaine's head.

I was attending University in Toronto and walking down Bloor Street on my way to class. It's a very busy street ... lots of traffic, lots of people. There was an older guy leaning against a barrier and as I walked by I saw a pigeon fly over him. Then, to my horror, I watched it fly right into the side of my head! Damn. It hurt too, those birds are big! I mean I really never thought about their size until one smacked into me. And the feathers! Plus all that flapping. Noisy.

It happened really fast. The bird was long gone and I stood there for a minute, then said to the man, "Did you see that?" in a slightly stunned voice. He kind of started to back away from me, and said, "Yeah. That was weird."

Such are the risks you take when wandering the streets with a target on your shoulders. I mean, it's not like I'm really tall and my head is hanging out in the high atmosphere where birds fly. I'm only 5'3".

As for the Seinfeld episode ... I swear someone from the writing staff was in town that day and witnessed my pigeon encounter.

The quality isn't that great, but here's a clip: